Ever since I was a young boy I had always gone to church but for as long as I can remember I viewed church (and Christianity) as some sort of accessory in life.
Church was like attending a musical or play, the preacher guy was just up there acting his part; that is what he was paid to do.
I thought I was a Christian because I went to a Christian church and celebrated Christian holidays but was no more a Christian than a plumber, even though I frequented the bathroom.
It wasn’t until the winter of 2005 when God grabbed hold of me and showed me how I stood with Him, showed me how I didn’t measure up to His standard (perfection).
God showed me through His word and though some godly people in my life that He was going to use His standard to judge me and by seeing this I came under deep conviction.
I realized that I wasn’t this spanky guy I had always thought I was, I wasn’t this wonderfully good person that I thought.
The standard of “good” I was using was not the same as God’s.
When I examined myself with His standard I clearly saw that I was guilty of violating
His law and that I was headed for big trouble.
Before I get ahead of myself let me tell you a little about my past. Looking back, I have been in a lot of trouble in my life and it started at a rather young age. Shortly after high school I joined the military to escape some of this trouble. The time period was during the Gulf War and the thought of serving during war time excited me. Most of the time during my military service I was living a self-seeking life, full of personal pleasure with no discipline other then what was laid out by the military. This type of lifestyle quickly caught up with me and landed me in serious trouble which became a very low point in my life. I risked not only discipline from the civilian courts but the military courts as well.
That trouble passed and I even straightened my act up for a while but eventually I fell back into the same self-destructive lifestyle. Even life as a civilian didn’t change things, if anything I was worse than ever. I was full of pride, arrogant, run by lusts, selfishness… if it was bad, I was chasing it. It wasn’t until I was getting serious with my girlfriend (Alicia, now my wife the Mother of our three beautiful girls) that I felt a need to start re-thinking things. But of course what was really happening was God getting my attention. I resisted for some time because I was happy in my sin and didn’t want to give it up but God used some godly men, some wonderful ministries and of course His word to knock me off my horse with a 2x4 (which was exactly what I needed).
After Alicia and I were married, we were in Sunday school one Sunday morning at First
Baptist Church of Woodstock and Brian Millard was a guest speaker. He gave his testimony and talked about Unfulfilled Ministries. I remember feeling excited about this ministry and having a desire to get involved somehow. I talked to him a little afterwards and felt led to give him an open invitation to stay at our home if he was ever back in the Atlanta area. You should have seen the look on my wife’s face after extending that invitation to a complete stranger - priceless. Well, Brian came back to town and has stayed with us, many times now and we are very close friends. My family and I have been deeply blessed to have Brian as our friend in Christ. Brian has challenged and encouraged me in several different areas in my life where I needed; reading God’s word, my prayer life, reading God’s Word as a family, praying with wife, seeing my family as my primary ministry… I see Brian as such a godly man, such an encouragement in my life. To me, Brian is a modern day Paul and I often use that very description when describing him to others.
Back to where I started, during the winter of 2005 God brought me under this deep conviction of my sin. Through this conviction I repented, believed in Jesus as my Savior and as the Bible describes, was born again. Praise the Lord I was saved! I remember times in my life not wanting to become a “real” Christian because I didn’t want to give up my pleasures (sins) but after I got saved God changed my want-to’s. I became a new creature under Christ with new desires, as the Bible describes. Looking back these past 2 ½ years, since God saved me, there is visible growth in my walk, God is producing fruit through me as I see my family growing in their hunger and desire for righteousness. Now I call myself a Christian, not because I look like other people who call themselves Christians but because God saved me. God changed me and my desires. He is continuing to grow me in my walk, grow me in holiness, and using me to pass along a godly heritage to my family.
I heard something once about being a ‘real man’ that I will never forget. “You don’t have to climb Mt. Everest or gun down a wild boar to be a real man. You are a real man when you commit to reading God’s Word, when you are committed to doing what God says, when you are committed to being conformed and transformed day-by-day into the image of Jesus Christ by loving your wife and leading your family.” That is my new want-to. That is what I desire in my life, not those disgusting vain desires I use to chase after with all my effort. It utterly sickens me how I use to act, how much of my life I have wasted being evil, wicked and vain. Praise God for the cross, praise God for Jesus Christ and praise God for saving a dirty, filthy, sinful wretch like me. To Him be glory, honor and praise!
Plan of Salvation