06/22/2008 11:39 AM Alert
Hello everyone. I need some spiritual guidance at this time at my life, and after seeing a billboard for this website, I felt led to come here. I got married a little over a year ago to a woman I used to date in high school. It was a private Christian school, and both of us have been in Church from the beginning of our lives. When we were dating, she was never one to truly be "on fire" for God, but I think (like me) she was always involved but never in the forefront. The same continued through college, even though I did eventually get more involved with Church leadership. She was always extremely respectful towards my family, her family, and me while we were dating. She was just a joy, and someone I loved more than life itself. It was an easy decision to ask her to marry me. I had known her and loved her for over 9 years. After we got married, things changed. She now refuses to go to church, and makes it very difficult for me to attend by making threats and being incredibly obnoxious. She also refuses to go to counseling. We've had sex about 4 times in the last 6 months, and every time something has happened due to her attitude that we have argued about later. It's like she is a completely different person. I'm doing what I feel is everything I possibly can to sacrifice and make our marriage better, but it is draining me. I get no joy from our marriage anymore. I'm a young attorney at a large firm who is reasonably attractive, and I could find someone else easily. It's getting harder and harder to find reasons to stay. I don't feel that the commitment I made during our wedding was to the same woman. I have never cheated on her, but I am getting ready to quit on her. I don't want to divorce, but I don't see the situation getting any better. I will not have children in this environment. I feel that my life is somewhat handcuffed until this is resolved. Is there any hope left, or should I just start over again? Are there any individuals here who went through something similar and pulled through? Thanks in advance.
06/25/2008 12:00 PM Alert
I am grateful the Lord led you to the site. I believe there is a serious crisis, yet it is not in your marriage. It is in your walk with God(or lack thereof) and relationship with Christ. It is important to understand that you see what God says about marriage and your role. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" Ephesians 5:25. Simply because you attended a Christian school and were church goers do not constitute you are a Christian or should I say Christ follower and born from the spirit of God. I attended Christian school and went to church 3 times a week for years but did not bear fruit of a life born of Christ and His witness until I knew I was under God's wrath and He led me to the marvelous grace at the Cross.
Read my testimony: http://www.unfulfilled.org/Default.aspx?tabid=70
When you were married and made a covenant with God, you agreed to look upon the interests of your wife as greater than your own, even to the point of laying down your life for her, without reservation, freely, willingly, as Christ did for His bride, the church. There has been no acknowledgement that you submitted to God in prayer what to do or that you submit to one another and look to God for direction in decisions governing the home and your relationship one to another. The very statement of your post reveals a self centered(how many times you had sex or the lack thereof), arrogant (young lawyer-fairly attractive) and prideful posture. You need to get on your knees and ask God to forgive you, cleanse you by the blood of Christ, restore you in His grace and go to your wife acknowledging you have failed her. Son, you have failed her and you need to repent and be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ and then He will allow you to go to her and admit your self centered, arrogant attitude, driven by your own lusts and pride which reveals itself in the very testimony you provided. Quit looking at her and look at Jesus in relationship to you. You must see your need to be reconciled to God and walk in His ways or any relationship you have will be perverted, twisted and one sided always looking out for your interets rather than God's glory and the interests of others. "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God." II Corinthians 5:17-20. "If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" Philippians 2:1-5. If you are not walking in God's grace, you are under His wrath and this is serious. It is a crisis and you need to go to Him for reconciliation through the blood of His Son and the spirit of God will bear witness of this in your character, virtue and life. God will and can reconcile your marriage but you must first be reconciled to Him. This is the marriage and relationship you must see that is in crisis. I love you son but you will suffer tirelessly, painfully and bitterly until you are reconciled to God through Jesus Christ.
06/26/2008 4:51 AM Alert
Thank you, Brian, for your message and your ministry. I had not realized how far I have fallen until I read your post. You truly have the Holy Spirit running through your life.
I will follow your advice, but pray that God will break me and humble me. Pride is a part of my profession, but I have let it enter my heart and mind to the point where it is tearing me apart inside. I feel lost, like a total failure. It is very hard for me to humble myself, and admit any of this, but you have made it so clear that I cannot deny it. I am truly chief of all sinners. I have been avoiding this as long as I can, but sin is destroying me. I've sinned and purposefully turned away from God. I've refused Him because I wanted to follow my own path instead of His. I've wanted to leave my marriage because I am frustrated with my failures, not hers. Yet, He continues to bless me even now by not turning His back on me, and guiding me to true counsel. What grace.
I repent dear God for my depravity and wickedness.
I repent for cursing Your name.
I repent for publicly representing myself as a Christian when I privately shunned holiness.
I repent for using You as an excuse to leave my marriage and hide my failures.
I repent for sowing hatred and retribution in my heart.
I repent for surrounding myself in alcohol, violence, and pornography while pushing You out of my home.
I repent for failing to lead my home as You have instructed me to do.
I repent for violating my marriage vows made before You.
I repent for committing adultry in my heart and mind.
I repent for worshiping myself, my success, and my lifestyle as false idols instead of You.
I repent for mocking and hindering those trying to follow Christ.
I repent for turning so many, including my own wife, away from You.
I beg for Your mercy and for your forgiveness over my soul, God.
I pray that You humble me severely and publicly for my transgressions against You.
I pray that my wife, my family, and my colleagues will see me for the hypocrite I am.
I pray that You will use my life as a vessel for Your Glory.
I pray that You will fill me with Your Spirit so I may stay in Your Will.
I write these things not so men may hear my prayers, but so it will serve as a everlasting covenant to You, God. I beg you to accept this sinner's prayer. I beg you to reenter my life. I beg you to continue to bless me and protect me as you have my entire life. Amen.
07/01/2008 12:02 PM Alert
I must submit, this is the Lord's ministry and I am grateful He is working in your life. I want you to know I love you and pray that God will fully restore you by His mercy and grace. I have been praying for you since you emailed and would like to visit with you and encourage you. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13. “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” I John 1:7-10
….”where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.” Romans 5:20
Grace, Love and Peace,